Love is Patient: Mothering Little Ones
Yesterday morning, in the madness of getting out the door for mass, I watched something so simple and beautiful it couldn’t be anything but love.
I watched my husband teach Gus to button his shirt.
First, he demonstrated, moving slowly and explaining what he was doing.
Then he put the task into terms Gus could understand–Legos.
Finally, he encouraged Gus to try, coached him gently, reassured him, and broke into wild applause when the button successfully slipped through the hole.
Bernadette, who was also standing and watching, got swept up in the excitement and turned to me yelling, “He did it! He did it!”
He did it.
It was a beautiful moment.
Gus beamed and moved onto the next button.
But, I felt a little sad.
Wishing I had been the one patiently sitting next to him as he learned to button his shirt.
After all, I am the one that gets him dressed most mornings.
I have asked him to try buttons before but at the first sign of difficulty, delay, or 4-year old angst I jump in, quickly do the buttons myself and send him on his way so I can turn my attention to Dominic and Bernadette.
I want things done quickly, even if I have to do them myself.
I’m busy chasing after 3 wild kids and it’s hard to see clearly what I am pushing aside in my mania.
Patience is often where I fail in this life as a mother. And yet being patient is the ultimate hallmark of mothering little ones.
This truth struck me hard a few mornings ago.
I was up early attempting to squeeze in a little prayer time before the kids got up.
The night before I’d gone to bed disappointed in myself.
I’d lost my temper too many times, yelled, overreacted. I didn’t want to live another day as that person.
I was going to love my kids better, I just needed the Lord to show me how.
So I searched for a verse on love to meditate on through Lectio Divina.
I read of few verses before coming to the classic, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
I’d read it before, heard it (what felt like) too many times before, and didn’t expect much but there it was:
“Love is patient”
Truth.
Love is patient.
As always when I ask the Lord for direction and actually give Him a chance to answer he delivers.
He delivers with a challenge: To love my children is to be patient.
The best way I have come to understand love is that it is something bigger than me, something that allows me to do things, endure things, forgive things and receive things I would not be strong enough to on my own.
Love is what makes me strong.
It is what fills in the gaps and allows me to get beyond my selfish, sinful nature.
Love is what gets me through the day.
Most days the amount of patience required to mother my children is much more than I have.
Sometimes I feel like my head exploding is an actual possibility.
Life with the 3 kids 4 and under gets very loud and very demanding.
Everyone has a need they want me to address right now!
One is screaming because he can’t find a very important very tiny Lego piece.
Another is crying because I gave her milk instead of water and the baby is banging his fights on his tray and shouting because he’s out of food and, obviously, starving.
So I run from kid to kid, attending to the biggest mess first, burning meals, buttoning my son’s shirt for him, and losing my temper.
It’s so hard to slow down.
Hard to accept that I won’t get the breakfast dishes put away before lunch, that we will be late for preschool, again, that I didn’t get to drink my coffee or eat sitting down.
It’s hard to remain calm and think, “this all came from love,” but it did.
I love these kids and I want nothing more than to hold them close to me and protect them.
And yet they drive me completely nuts and I shout and I yell at these little ones.
In the frenzy of the moment, the love gets lost or forgotten somehow and other concerns win out–concerns about a clean house, being on time, order, and justice.
But, Love is patient.
Love looks a little one in the eyes and says, “I hear you.”
It knows what is important and what isn’t.
Love slows down, takes a minute, and helps a little boy learn to button his own shirt and then revels in the glory of that shared victory.
Paul didn’t write that love is organized or timely or immaculately clean. No, love is patient.
And this week, I hope to be too.
Blessings for you and your little families this week. Take a deep breath with me. Enjoy the moment and let Love take over.
Nancy
I’m about to embark in the 3 under 4 (outside the womb) adventure as a SAHM in a week or so. My oldest will be 37 months, so it will be like this for awhile so you’re post is so timely and exactly what I needed to read!
For me, I always struggle with the challenges of the housekeeping and mothering. Its so easy to fill the time with the dishes, food prep, cleaning, etc….I will always be unsatisfied to some extent at the level of my performance at housekeeping, and the children always suffer because of that. Learning to set that stuff aside and love the people in my home makes all the difference—but it takes so much surrender and grace, which is exactly where God would have me :). I not only have to be patient with the children, but also with myself in accepting that what it looked like all we did was learn how to do a button (or any other mundane thing) we are actually all growing in holiness along the way.
Also loved you said the Lord gives you a challenge….I never heard it put that way, but I found the same to be very true for me. He is so loving and not wanting us to be stuck where we are and to find a way to be closer to Him!
Mama, you are a blessing. I am in these wilds too, and because of you, we had a lovely car picnic in the driving rain yesterday before wading into our first Adoration for less than 10 minutes, and it was wonderful. And I noticed even though it didn’t bring me a great deal of immediate peace because I wanted the feeling of a Benediction, I saw the fruit in their own prayers both in the sanctuary and later at home. Your work pushed me to commit to going no matter what. Your words on patience are exactly what I need just now. Thank you!
I so needed to read this today! Thank you for sharing your reflections with us. They are such a great reminder of how I am called to love in my vocation as a mother to three kiddos age three and under.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for helping me find this blog today. I was searching scripture this morning for exactly the same answers. ..how do I gain patience with three small children? I was reading a book passed on to me that gleaned this advice, “You create a positive climate by being patient. (You put off till tomorrow what you’d mess up by doing today.)” Thank you for sharing, now off to reflect on Corinthians.
Even though I wrote these words I still struggle and fail. Today I failed again. I love these words: You create a positive climate by being patient. Thank you for being here and blessings on your family!
how beautiful
“Paul didn’t write that love is organized or timely or immaculately clean. No, love is patient.”
Perfect.
And deeply challenging. 😉