Why I Refuse to Teach My Children They Were ‘Wanted’

  1. Katie says:

    I just discovered your blog about 7 minutes ago, but this post made me love you! Thank you for writing this!

  2. Charlotte says:

    With all due respect, I think much of this post makes little sense. The fact is that want and lack of it exists in this world. I think what you are describing is free will and the individual right and ability to exercise it. Are you going to raise all of those babies that you speak of? Are you going to make them feel loved and cherished? Are you going to keep them from the pain and harm of life, and teach them the difference between love and want? Are you going to protect them from the mom, dad, uncle, neighbor, or stranger who will abuse many of them? I work in a setting in which I see first hand, every single day, children who were unwanted. And every single day many of those children are hurt in ways that you simply can’t imagine. What shall we do with all of those sweet souls who know that they are unwanted AND unloved? Want is a fact of life. It’s unfortunate and often sad, but true. I think by denying that lesson to your children, you choose to shelter them. Tell them how wanted they are. Tell them how important it is to be kind, and loving, and wanting of others (in appropriate and safe ways). Show them what it is to be compassionate to classmates and friends who are unwanted. Show them how to love unconditionally. Do them the favor of teaching them to want respectfully and gratefully. They will carry these lessons forever.

    • Charlotte–thanks so much for taking the time to comment.
      I agree with everything you are saying here at the end–but I think the things you are talking about are actually LOVE, not want. Of course I WANT my children, they are fun and sweet and I love being with them, but my feelings for them are so much more than want. They are so much more than WANTED. I love them and would do anything for them, even if it means laying down my own life. And that is what all children deserve. You are right to point out that many (way way too many) children in this world are not wanted–let alone unloved by their parents. And in each and every case that this happens is a horrible tragedy. Believe me–I’ve seen it. for much of my life per-marriage I worked in a very rough neighborhood with teen-girls caught in the worst of the worst situations. I saw lots of girls choose abortion. I saw lots of girls have babies in terrifying situations. Over and over again I saw that when those girls decided to have an abortion they suffered with the pain of that decision for years.

      I am not deluded to think I can solve or even address the seriousness of these situations in one little blog post.

      What I am writing about here is about the way we think–that wanting and loving are the same thing. They aren’t. Choosing love is sometimes having to accept things lovingly that you don’t really want. This is a lesson I want my kids to learn, not only as they have their own families but as they face any challenge in their lives.

      Again, thanks for taking the time to comment. We both want the same thing–every child cherished. I hope that this has made my point a little bit more clear.

    • Clara says:

      Charlotte, a quick Google search produced this: “Business Library reports that “there are up to 36 couples waiting for every one baby placed for adoption.” In the USA, there are approximately two million infertile couples waiting to adopt, many times regardless of the child’s medical problems such as Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida, HIV infection or terminally ill.” May 15, 2012

      My husband and I are one of those couples who would love to adopt. We have been foster parents in the past, but lost our license when we moved out of state. We’ll probably be foster parents again some day.

      The point is, whether or not Nancy is going to raise and love all those “unwanted” children, there are more than enough couples ready, willing, and wanting to do so in the US alone.

      • Thank you for this reminder, Clara! Wow, when you look at the stats all of the bull just falls away, doesn’t it?
        Prayers for you and your husband. I hope children are in your future, somehow. Those of you that do foster work are the real heroes. Seriously. Thank you.

  3. Vickie says:

    My gosh girl, your writing is amazing. I think you might have a future catholic speaker circuit in your future. What a mind and gift you have for writing. I tear up when I read your stuff. Your writing reminds me of that of Abby Johnson’s minus the fact that she worked for PPH and you didn’t. You have been blessed by God.
    God bless you.

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