J1ST 022: On Still Being Here
A few days ago I wasn’t sure I would be publishing another post…or recording another podcast episode.
As you maybe already know, we lost our little Maximilian on Thanksgiving day. Whom I had carried in my womb for 20 weeks.
Losing a baby at 20 weeks is hard both physically and emotionally. And the week after we lost the baby was really dark.
Things were made just a bit worse because one week before losing little Max I had hit publish on this post, where I disclosed how hard the pregnancy had been, how we had been hoping NOT to get pregnant, and how I longed to hold my little one on Easter.
All of the things I shared in that post felt overly vulnerable as I lost the baby and I desperately wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.
And maybe even delete everything I had ever shared online.
But you all changed my mind.
Once I shared the loss online I was OVERWHELMED with your response and your love.
I received over 1,000 messages of love and prayers and support.
Many women shared their own stories of loss and how they found peace.
Packages have shown up at our door from strangers and I have felt so completely covered in prayer and love.
And so, I decided that I’m going to keep on keeping on.
I’m not going to hide or leave or delete.
I’m still here, and I’m going to keep at it, even if what I do only helps one woman also going through a loss, then it will be worth it.
I took episode 22 to talk about the events of the loss, all the ways God blessed me through it and how comforted I have been with all of your sharing. I cry and I sniffle and I talk in this episode, but that’s real life.
And once again, thank you for your love and support. I feel so blessed to be part of this wonderful community of Catholic Women.
Your sister in Christ,
Thank you for sharing your story. I will pray for you and your husband for your loss, and your kids too. Be patient and kind to yourself as you mourn and heal physically. I have had 2 miscarriages too and each was difficult but God was there to help me when I let Him. Eternal rest grant to Max and let perpetual light shine upon him.
Thank you for continuing on with your podcast. i have found so many hidden gems of wisdom that have help me so much. Even in episodes I was not expecting. Thank you! What you are gong through is tremendously difficult, and I am keeping you in my prayers for I too lost a child but earlier on at 12 weeks. I feel connected to my faith and a community through your podcasts, and that community is there for you in return. You inspire so many! Thank you again, and God Bless:)
Have you considered naming your first baby that you lost? I have lost five babies and naming them has truly helped me to heal. I’m so sad for you and I’m praying for you.
Yes, we actually named him Peter and include him in our prayers every night. So important to name those babies. Thank you for the prayers, and I am so sorry for your losses as well. Although, it is a beautiful thought to think of all our children together and playing in heaven.