We Were Virgins When We Got Married

  1. Virginia says:

    Thank you for your testimony! I was one when l got married. We’ve been married for almost 51 years! You have a very good way of expressing yourself! Did a great job! Gid bless your Family!

  2. Ovedje Aghogho says:

    Wow… thank you so much I’m really inspired

  3. Reason number #0 (zero–it comes before reason #1) to remain a virgin until marriage: It is Biblical.

    Our sexuality is a reflection of our spiritual life. What do we care about? Where are our heart’s longings directing us?

    One reason God gave us sex is for having children. Children get such short-shrift in today’s society. In both the old and the new testament the Bible shows high respect for children. Children are a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5), “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (Matthew 18:501) “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” “If anyone causes on of these little ones. . .to stumble. . . (Matthew 18:6-7) “Suffer the little children to come unto me. . .” (Luke 18:15-17) And there are many more such references in the Bible. Sex outside of marriage is disrespectful to the Lord’s intentions for children. Regardless of the availability of contraception, sex outside of marriage is a careless act that reveals our selfishness.

    Another reason God gave us sex is to help us understand His love for us. Apart from the passion of sexuality, could we really understand the passion of Christ’s supreme act of love, His death and resurrection? Pope John Paul II wrote that the message of God’s love and faithfulness is “written on the body” specifically in our sexuality. “the theology of the body.” How else could we understand intimate knowing, passionate love and fidelity? Juli Slattery, in her book, _Rethinking_Sexuality:_God’s_Design_and_Why_it_Matters (page 55) writes that marriage is the shadow, the foretaste, the metaphor of the true longing to be known, embraced, accepted, and celebrated by our Creator. This means that our sexuality is infused with a significant spiritual purpose, regardless of our marital status. Sex gives great spiritual significance not only to marriage but also to celibacy. “Celibacy for the kingdom is not a rejection of sexuality. It’s a call to embrace the ultimate meaning and purpose of sexuality. The ‘one flesh’ union is only a foreshadowing of something infinitely more grand and glorious. Single Christians know the ache and longing for a covenant love that hasn’t come. Even those of us who are married feel this longing because the ‘shadow’ will never fully satisfy our true longing for intimacy. . . . ‘My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. (Ps 84:2)”

    We should be fully aware of the power of evil. If you were a devil and wanted to lead people away from God and toward yourself (toward the devil) where would you attack first? Indeed, debauch sexuality, the mirror of God’s love for us. This is the true reason why rape and sexual abuse so horribly inflict life-long damage. Satan’s ultimate goal is not the distortion of sexuality. Satan’s goal is to isolate us from the Truth—Jesus Christ.

    Jesus embodied truth and grace in his life on earth. He ate with sinners. “Neither do I condemn you. Now go and sin no more.” Jesus loves people but does not accept sin. Jesus shows grace, speaks truth. Grace is best shown, truth is best spoken. This requires humility. Humility toward the Bible: We need to read to find the Truth without twisting it. Humility toward other people: Remember, while we were still sinners, God reached out to save us. Me too.

  4. Lindsay says:

    Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. Your humility regarding other couples and their decisions, paralleled with your confident proclamation of the true beauty present within the virtue of chastity, is a fresh take. You do such a wonderful job of balancing truth, beauty, and reality. Thank you for sharing.

    My husband and I were also virgins on our wedding day, and it’s something we’ll always cherish. However, sometimes I read blog posts from other Catholic couples who saved even their first kiss for their wedding day, and it makes me look back with shame and wonder if we could have been “more” chaste. Thank you so, so much for your honesty and vulnerability. Once we became engaged, waiting suddenly became so much harder than I ever thought that it would have. (wasn’t it already hard enough?). I really appreciate how you write about the gift of desire and the fact that waiting simply sucks, but it’s totally worth it and brings benefits that last a lifetime.

  5. Princess Luckett says:

    I want to understand how this works. I sincerely wanted to abstain until marriage. I desperately wanted to. But I now realize I was ill-prepared to do so and I eventually was able to abstain during my entire time at college, but that changed later on.
    How do you wait? What do you do whilst waiting?
    I need to be able to aid my children with this issue especially since I am (and was) ignorant to know how to be successful in this area.

    • The truth is that you don’t do something other than sex while waiting for marriage. The best that I can answer this question is that during dating and (especially) engagement it is important that a couple doesn’t put themselves in tempting situations. Live with a room mate, keep doors open, don’t ever spend the night, dress respectfully, etc. Also, the longer an engagement drags on the harder it is to wait. My husband and I had only a 5 month engagement and that helped.

      More than anything it is important to know WHY it is important to wait and to see value in that. A couple should be attracted to each other and it should be difficult to wait. But with proper formation a couple will hopefully see why it is worth waiting.

      I hope this helped!

  6. Ali says:

    I’m a 17 year old girl trying to keep my virginity for marriage. Now a days it’s so hard to do that. Everyone picks one me or says that it’s stupid to do that. To be honest I’ve been struggling a lot to keep this promise to myself and God to stay a virgin. Thank you for sharing your story, not only did it give me hope and faith but it also gave me a sense of reason. Your life inspires me to want to stay true to who I am. You are an amazing role model to many girls out there and your daughter. I am so greatful I had the chance to read your story.

    • Ali–
      I can’t tell you how happy I am you found my post. I was totally right there in your shoes. What I know now is that I wasn’t the only one waiting to have sex until marriage, although it seemed like it at the time. Those that are waiting are just a whole lot quieter than those that are already sexually active.

      My prayer for you is that God will provide you with a good friend also committed to purity. And, spend a little time praying for your future husband that he can stay pure for you.

      Blessings and prayers!

  7. Rebecca says:

    Just read this post and it is beautiful. My husband and I have been married for 4 years – and we are both in our late 60’s. We both had been married before so it would have been sooo easy to just say – oh, well we aren’t young or virgins so why not have sex before marriage. And you know we were used to having sex and know the pleasures in that but ………we chose to honor God and each other by waiting for sex until we were married. It was wonderful and even today – four years later – the joy of coming together isn’t diminished but increased because we did it right. It wasn’t easy, even though we were older, we still had to battle to stay pure and we’re not goody two shoes just a couple who decide to do this marriage “thing” God’s way and are so glad we did. Many blessings to you and your husband for posting this. It will encourage others that it is possible and a wonderful blessing !!!!

    • Thank you so much for sharing! This is beautiful. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be when you had been married before. Wow. More people need to hear this message!

  8. Kara Massey says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. It gives me something so meaningful and thoughtful to share with my children. I can’t lead by example for them, but I can share this with them as proof of why my choice not to wait was not the best one. Thank you for sharing your strength and courage with us.

  9. Lila says:

    God bless you for the choice that you made. It is very important and it is important to God who is holy and wants all of us to treat our bodies and one another with purity. Thank you for your post! By the way my cousin is getting married and I used your bride and groom patterns to make something special for her and her fiance. Thanks again!

  10. Carolyn says:

    Love this. Patience truly is a virtue, and one my husband and I had to learn before we were married as well. We did the long distance dating thing for a fair amount of time thanks to being at two different colleges several hours apart, and that forced us to develop other aspects of our relationship while we waited to fully develop the physical one after we were married. In fact, I just ran across the notebooks we used to keep during this time–each of us would write to the other almost every night in our notebook, then we’d swap them when we saw each other. 🙂

    Also, a huge “YES” to the point that when you wait, getting married is actually a big deal. So much yes!

  11. Anna says:

    I so very much wish I would have heard these words from someone, other than my mom. Thank you for writing them; they are needed.

  12. Rebecca says:

    I loved your post! My husband and I also waiting until marriage for sex and I agree 100% how awesome it has made our marriage! I agree with all 3 of the things you listed!

    • So happy to hear you agree! And, thank you for sharing this. I really want people to know that it is not only possible to wait, but real live couples have actually done it!

  13. Melissa says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! I agree completely. My husband and I also were virgins when we married at 23 years old but we dated for four years so it was a struggle to wait. It was so worth it though, now that we are here, also five years and three kids later. 🙂

  14. I’ve been meaning to stop by for some time now to thank you for saying this. Like you, my husband and I were both in our late 20s when we got married, and we also waited to have sex until we were married, trusting in and honoring God’s plan for our lives. Like you said, it’s been such a blessing. I am so thankful we made that decision to wait.

    • thank you for taking the time to stop by and leave this comment. I know that a lot of people read this post from the stats…but I haven’t gotten a lot of feedback otherwise. Any my mind was starting to do some crazy things…
      So happy we share this with you!

      • Genny says:

        I’m s fairly new follower of your blog and just saw this entry. So glad you wrote it. My husband and I also waited for marriage which makes the bond even stronger when you’re each other’s first in every way. As it should be, and God intended 🙂

  15. Jenn says:

    Thanks for the encouragement Nancy! I’m 100 days from my wedding and can’t wait to see how it changes my life! Stopping over from CWBN!

  16. This is fantastic. You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your stories. I know it’s not easy to do so, but it means so much.

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  18. Nell says:

    Such a rockstar post. I LOVE THIS! Wise & true & totally honest. Thanks, Nancy.

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