On Motherhood and Jealousy

  1. LC says:

    Did I miss the agenda referenced at the beginning of the post? Can’t see a link. Thanks for the post!

  2. Becky says:

    You perfectly describe me. I appreciate that you have pointed out the essential points. Whenever I tell people I am struggling in this area, I always get the response of “you need to take a trip too”. But you said it perfectly “he got that and I got shorted” that is not the attitude I want to have. I want to rejoice with him! I don’t want to be jealous when he tells me of the best steak dinner he ever had. Thank you so much for putting this into words for me. I will pray for you and please pray for me.

  3. B says:

    Comparison is the thief of joy indeed! I remember in pre-Cana the couple that was teaching us kept emphasizing “do not keep score” you did this, I did that, now is your turn etc or you’re going to put a big strain in your family. Now, that does not mean that you can’t have a talk with with your spouse if he’s sitting on the couch doing nothing and you’re doing everything. There has to be some fairness. But not in the exact same way, because motherhood and fatherhood are two very distinct vocations. You can not equate them to each other. You can work as a team and use the gifts and talents that God gave you to fulfill your parenting duties. Many times our gifts and talents are complimentary and not the same. Those thoughts that were placed in your head were from the enemy which was poisoning your mind. The bitterness probably came from exhaustion and no rest, day in and day out. You need help from others with the kids, maybe a friend or babysitter to take te kids for a couple of hours, maybe have a girlfriends bible study or go do something for yourself like walking, working out, sitting in adoration journaling etc. You need time for you. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary to your health and sanity. If you don’t get that time then you will build up anger and bitterness and lash out at your husband because you’re going with an “empty tank” You can’t give what you don’t have. You and your husband should sit down to talk about a way that you can also get an hour or two a week for yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary. Good luck and God bless you!

  4. Estelle M says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this Nancy. This is definitely something I needed to hear

  5. JM says:

    I start to resent everyone and everything that calls on my husband’s time. He takes time he doesn’t have off if work to volunteer or visit someone in the hospital and then spends every spare minute the rest of the week making up his time at work instead of with his family. ?

    • Oh, I get that. I sometimes complain that it feels like I always come last. Have you tried to talk to your husband about these things? Sometimes men don’t see what we see. Prayers, sister.

  6. Robin Hauger says:

    I seem to be behind but I was supposed to read this today, not yesterday or tomorrow but today. Thank you for writing true feelings and sharing the parts of motherhood and wifehood? that are not very glamourous. I am so glad you did because today you changed the way I look at life. I appreciate you.

  7. Emily Reiter says:

    Bravo, girl!! 3 babies in less than 3 years is hard!!! Babies are hard anyway. But when the diapers are neverending, and the screaming, it can be overwhelming. Every platitude of “enjoy them while they’re young” or “this, too, shall pass” just made me want to punch the speaker in the nose. Once when I drove to the grocery store by myself I thought, “is that a cop behind me? Did I run that stop sign? Maybe I’ll just tell them to take me to jail. That way I’ll actually sleep. I can hand express. There’s milk at home, the baby won’t starve and I’ll sleep.”

    Do you have some girlfriends to go out for a mom’s night out? Or a bunco group? Church group? If there’s something regularly on the schedule that is just for you, even if you have to take a nursing baby, I find it makes me more tolerant of all the “alone time” I think my husband has when he’s at work.

    • oh my goodness, that story about going to jail is hilarious, in a BEEN THERE sort of way.
      Honestly I have tons of great support and outlets and my husband is great about encouraging me to get out I just struggle with that ugly inner voice. In reality life is very very good.

  8. Oh my, yes! I have been there! The worst was the day my husband got to climb the Great Wall of China while I was at home with the worst food poisoning of my life and a 4 week-old and a toddler! I hate to say that I still give him a hard time about that one. 😉 But I know that comparison is such a thief. Thank you for being unafraid to name this. You inspire me to do better with this.

    • Comparison is such a thief! Perfectly said.
      PS–my husband climbed the great wall just this last September, without me. In 5 years the 2 of us will go on a trip and do that!

  9. Krista says:

    Nancy this spoke loads to my heart. I am probably far worse with this as Paul does not have a lot in the way of luxury or excitement on his deployments. I still find myself jealous maybe even annoyed as I try to ready everyone for school as he sits back and watches the chaos on the end of skype from a quiet bunk. Or irritated when he talks about a two hour workout when I barely squeezed in a twenty min speed workout. Or innocently asks do you have anything going on today? Yes, yes, yes, there is always something to do or somewhere to go. I know in my heart he wants desperately to be home, and I would be miserable in his position away from my kids, and the monotany would do me in, but I suppose our human nature makes us long for what others have…even if it is just time.

    • Oh Krista, thank you for sharing this! I think it is just human nature, and being content. I can’t imagine how you military wives do it–not only is your hubby gone, but gone for a long time and sometimes in danger. I don’t know why our minds do this comparing thing. Prayers that Paul comes home safe and sound.

  10. Penny says:

    You are so very blessed, more blessed then so many other mothers that had to kiss there babies goodbye in the morning and watch them cry for you as you had to go to work, The next time you start to feel like that say these words, I rebuke you Satan in the name of Jesus as it is written. Because only Satan puts thoughts like that in our heads and only he will use family members to tear us apart. Your husband I am sure would rather stay home and not have to get up to a alarm clock, and have to wear suits and have to get on a plain, and have to deal with jet lag and customs and all the other non since he has to deal with, but that is how Satan works, he only lets us see one side, so stay strong , count your blessings, pray lots, love lots, and always, always think of Jesus first. GOD bless sweet girl.

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