Today’s podcast episode is a bit of a personal one, so if you are sick of hearing me share about the baby I lost last fall, you might want to skip this episode.
You see, although we have been infinitely blessed by and through the still-birth loss of our little Maximilian on Thanksgiving Day of last year, we are approaching his due date, and suddenly the pain is very real once more. Although I have weeks and months to get my mind around the idea that he won’t be joining our family here on Earth, it is still hard to really understand just how different this spring will be from the spring I had imagined while I was pregnant.
Max was due on April 11th.
So, due to my own pain and continuing hurt, I have started to reflect on the fact that we really do need to take care of ourselves while suffering.
Maybe this is pretty obvious to you, but it wasn’t to me. I 100% believe in the value of suffering. I don’t like to suffer, but I see how redemptive and purifying it can be. So, the idea that I might need to protect myself while suffering, that was an idea that Laura from Mothering Spirit had to really pound into my head, and thank goodness she did.
The core experience that got me thinking about self-care amid suffering is my wonderful Thursday morning Bible Study.
The study, the women, the parish, the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program opposite it… they are all so great and I love that Bible Study. It’s just that there are SO MANY pregnant ladies there. After much pain and reflection, I decided that I just couldn’t be there this Spring, as I longed from my own baby, already in Heaven.
But, my kind of suffering is not the only kind of suffering that demands self-care. Just basic mothering is a form of suffering that demands self-care, which, if you are anything like me, you are terrible at.
This episode is a lot of food for thought.
And, if you have an extra prayer or two, I would appreciate them this Spring as we mourn our little Max.